Sunday, August 8, 2010

Making Progress

Or at the very least it's acceptance.

I couldn't let my last post on the other blog be my last post on the other blog, and so I went back to say that I've learned that while I still get a certain level of annoyance whenever I see a woman with a baby, I quickly move beyond annoyance and once again look at how cute the kid is.

I've learned that being inconsiderate is not the same thing as being malicious. And I was equating someone's lack of empathy, someone's inconsideration to mean that they were purposely trying to hurt me. And that's not the case; they just can't see beyond themselves at that moment.

Someone said to me the other day that in all I did trying to get pregnant, I can never say "if only I tried one more thing." I quickly said to her, "I should have started sooner." Meaning, I waited too long, 37 was too old. Meaning, I could have done more.

I thought about it all day and starting sooner wouldn't have made a difference. I've learned that this is the way I was supposed to be a mom. And going through the last three years got me to this point of acceptance.

All painful and expensive lessons, but lessons all the same. And lessons I'm paying attention to.

2 comments:

  1. The journey was exactly as it was supposed to be...don't ever doubt that. All the other steps had to be gone through and unfold exactly as they did. I spent years and years (and years) being angry at God for "doing this to me." The first night I was home with Jacob, I broke down sobbing. I realized for the first time that God "had done this for me."

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