Sunday, August 8, 2010

Making Progress

Or at the very least it's acceptance.

I couldn't let my last post on the other blog be my last post on the other blog, and so I went back to say that I've learned that while I still get a certain level of annoyance whenever I see a woman with a baby, I quickly move beyond annoyance and once again look at how cute the kid is.

I've learned that being inconsiderate is not the same thing as being malicious. And I was equating someone's lack of empathy, someone's inconsideration to mean that they were purposely trying to hurt me. And that's not the case; they just can't see beyond themselves at that moment.

Someone said to me the other day that in all I did trying to get pregnant, I can never say "if only I tried one more thing." I quickly said to her, "I should have started sooner." Meaning, I waited too long, 37 was too old. Meaning, I could have done more.

I thought about it all day and starting sooner wouldn't have made a difference. I've learned that this is the way I was supposed to be a mom. And going through the last three years got me to this point of acceptance.

All painful and expensive lessons, but lessons all the same. And lessons I'm paying attention to.


  1. The journey was exactly as it was supposed to be...don't ever doubt that. All the other steps had to be gone through and unfold exactly as they did. I spent years and years (and years) being angry at God for "doing this to me." The first night I was home with Jacob, I broke down sobbing. I realized for the first time that God "had done this for me."