Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Many Phases of My Moon Face

One of the worst side effects of the past five years of my life -- besides the obvious -- is what it did to my body.

The fertility treatment, along with the roller coaster of emotions, caused me to gain 43 pounds. And then, even once I was off the drugs, I was still on that roller coaster. I had no motivation, I was so focused on this other little being I wanted in my life, that was all I could concentrate on.

Sure I still went to the gym, and half-heartedly counted points, but I knew I wasn't in it for the long haul. I lost the first 20 pounds as the drugs left  my system. And then, I lost and gained and lost and gained the same 10 pounds. The last 23 of "baby" weight was hanging on for all its worth.

And with each loss and gain, my face became as round and full as the moon.

Case in point, me on my 40th birthday. Fertility treatment done for about two months, paperwork for Ethiopia was almost complete and a whole new sort of waiting and wondering and torture was about to begin.

Sometimes I would get motivated. I ran a couple 5Ks in the past few years, but I was never where I wanted to be, never felt as healthy as I had before I started shooting all those drugs into my system

And then I was offered my new job. Any diet and exercise plan went out the window, because I had to find a place to live, I had to pack, I had to finalize things at my old job, started preparing for my new job, and there were endless lunches and dinners and happy hours as I embarked on what was truly the "farewell to Ithaca" tour.

And so by the time I was ready to leave NY for PA, a whole new phase of the moon was appearing on my face.

I tried when I got here to get things in check. I've done this before. I know what to do. But my entire life was upside down, and so I joined a gym where I had to make appointments with a trainer. There was accountability. There was no not feeling like going. I had pre-paid for the next year. Three times a week, I go and lift weights for a half hour. And then do cardio for a half hour. And they push me. And I love it. My body is remembering this feeling of working out, of being tired when I go to bed, not because my brain is mush from work (which is usually is) but because I actually worked my body as hard as my mind.

I gained 10 pounds between finding out about my new job (in early May) and the day I joined the gym (early August). In two months, I've *almost* stopped drinking diet Pepsi. I treat myself to one or two a week, and whereas before when I was drinking one a day, I wasn't really tasting it. Now, I enjoy every single sip. I eat high protein and good carb.

About two weeks ago, I hit 10 pounds. All my "new job" weight was gone. And this morning, I hit 14 pounds -- making a definite dent in the "baby" weight. My moon face is gone and I'm actually starting to get a dimple in my cheeks. good.