Thursday, October 27, 2011

Another One Bites the Dust

On the heels of "K" last week, I received a text from "A." She and her husband have three kids, but she developed epilepsy after a car accident and she feels she cannot care for a baby. She gave me her full name, her number, and she talked with my attorney immediately.

We talked over the weekend. It felt genuine. She sent me pictures of her children (current pics and bay pics), a picture of her belly, and an ultrasound picture. There were lots of details, some bonding, some trust building.

And then after about a week of normal communication (no midnight phone calls), she has disappeared. She has not returned my texts or my attorney's texts. She has not returned the paperwork to my attorney.

I cannot even fathom the degree of mental illness or evilness in a person to play games like this. The email I received a few weeks back was nothing compared to these phone calls. I've shared my story with these women, told them how I will tell their "child" about them and about being adopted, and actually cried with them about how what they were doing was going to fulfill my dream and I would never be able to thank them enough, how I hoped I would make them proud in how I raised their "child."

It was one thing going through fertility treatment. My body was the only thing to betray me, but at least we could try to control that, we had expectations -- it was either going to work or not. There was nothing else -- no wild card to shake things up. Yes I gained weight, yes I was bloated, yes I was moody. But I kind of knew what to expect. It didn't change drastically month to month.

This is a whole new kind of torture that I didn't even know to expect. And honestly, don't know how I'm going to learn to trust the process. Thankfully, I have good support. And thankfully, I have a kick-ass attorney who is smart and kind and savvy and who only has my best-interest at heart.

And that's a good thing, because I don't know if I have the strength to go through many more situations like this, and yet, I don't know if I have the strength to walk away.


  1. Wow. I'm so, so sorry this happened (again). Can't even imagine. I'm glad you have a great lawyer.

  2. You could use a screener, someone else to weed out the people who don't really mean it before they break your heart :(

  3. That is so heart wrenching. Like you, I just can't understand what kind of person would play games in this situation.

  4. I don't know how you do it. I think I've commented before on your blog that these scenarios you've described are why we chose not to pursue domestic adoption. I just didn't think I could handle it. I'm sorry you are getting a lot of craziness mixed in with the process.

  5. I am so sorry that these birth mothers have been so difficult. It makes me feel guilty that our domestic adoption went smoothly. I really believe that your child's birthmother has not found you yet. It will happen. :)

  6. Laurie, geez - I don't have the right words to express how sorry I am. I'm not sure the right words exist. I am sorry you have to go through this, of course, but I am also sorry that you have to see such an ugly side of humanity. It makes me sick to my stomach - who does that to another human being, and a complete stranger at that? It's just awful.

  7. You are right - they are either mentally ill or just cruel to do this to anyone. I know it is easier to say, but try not to let these people jade you. Because one day you will get a call or text and that person will be sincere. You are so strong to do this. I don't know if I could or if I did I would need 3 times as many pints of ice cream :)