Sunday, September 5, 2010

Buffalo Dave's Question

"If none of this works out, isn't it better to be a mom to a 10-year-old than not be a mom at all? you have a lot of love to give and you're going to be a great mom. Are you willing to give up that dream if you can't have a baby when you could give some kid an amazing life?"

My friend Dave asked me that question at some point during the fertility treatment. I wrote it down, but didn't think about it much after that. After reading Jennifer's comments on my last post, I brought that question out again.

And I think that's the question -- or some form of it -- that many of us are facing, at least my fellow single moms-to-be. Is something going to happen when court reopens next month? Is this going to be the year that Ethiopia follows almost every country in the world and won't allow a single woman to adopt an infant (or at all)? Are we losing our chances to become a mother because we want to pick siblings, or an infant, or a specific gender, rather than taking an older child who is already waiting?

Maybe I'm naive to think that when court opens, everything will be okay, that their rules, regulations, laws won't have changed. Or maybe I still have hope. After all that I've been through in the past three years. After all the disappointment, the ups and downs, I can't believe that God, the universe, fate, whatever you believe in, would allow that to happen. Would allow me -- make me -- experience another dead end. Would allow any of these women I've come to know -- even virtually -- to not get this chance.

I just need to get through the next two Octobers, with court reopening with the same rules they had when they closed.

1 comment:

  1. Ignore me!!!! You are running with a bad crowd if you read my comments. :-) I am a definite worrier. I really do think it will work out with Ethiopia and singles.. I think...

    I just can't quite imagine someone saying "these are your kids". If I were five to eight years younger, I would probably go with a newborn too. The only reason I am going with a sibling group who will be up to six is because of my age. I also know I will NOT be able to go back a second time. I don't want to go back in my fifties to get "junior" a sib.

    I am now thinking my list is something like this:

    *get an email saying I need a prereferral phone call.
    *eventually get a referral phone call
    *get the referral reviewed and accept it
    *wait for trip one
    *wait for trip two
    *start worrying about adjustment more and actually getting children less.

    **** The list feels like it is growing.sigh... I do plan to buy a bottle of honey wine at the Ethiopian restaurant I am going to next weekend. The wine will be opened when I celebrate the kids. However, I don't know when I will actually feel "confident" enough to open it. ha ha

    We will make it, and then we will meet someday (with kids) when I make the trek to WHFC or you decide to bring your baby down to the ocean for a vacation (almost all northerns come down to at least Myrtle Beach -- 65 miles north-- for vacations).