Sunday, September 7, 2014

Old weight, new weight

Old weight, new weight, the same weight. As I've mentioned, I've been struggling with the same five pounds over the past few months. It's like an unwanted house guest. they leave, but they're still standing on your front –stoop, so it's very easy for them to weasel their way back in the house.    

 The same goes for new weight, I've noticed. These five pounds come back on so quickly, because it's like they haven't really left. My body hasn't adjusted itself to the new weight that any deviation in clean eating is an easy excuse for the pounds to come back.

I  don't understand the science behind it all, but for whatever reason it makes sense. I've looked at the graph of my weight on MyFitnessPal. A steady decline from August 2012 to about May 2013, and then up and down, spike down through the end of the summer, and then nothing but up and up, down and then up and up and then down again. Literally looking like a readout on an EKG machine.

My low-point (in a positive way) was July 2012....under 180 pounds. My high point, just a few weeks ago...199 pounds. Getting back into the 200s scared the shit out of me. And while I'm not excited about my current weight (somewhere in the low to mid 190s), I also need to remember the big picture, which I sometimes forget.

I'm in marketing. My whole professional life is about the big picture, but for some reason, I forget about that with my own life. I have to remember that even 194 pounds -- and to have sustained under 200 for more than a year -- is a huge accomplishment considering that I once weighed 252 pounds. 

Yup, when I graduated from college, I was closer to 300 pounds than I was to 200. So am I happy with 194? Not exactly. But am I still healthier than I was for most of my teens, 20s and 30s? Absolutely.

I recently saw a high school friend, someone I hadn't seen since probably high school. The first thing she said to me was how beautiful I was and how proud she was of me. I immediately thought, but I've gained 15 pounds. But not to her. To her, I was healthier and skinnier than the girl she always knew.

I was in Ithaca last week, as I've mentioned, and my friend Molly said something similar. She told me my face looked thin and I immediately jumped on those 15 pounds of the last year. And she said, but even right now, you were never this thin when you lived in Ithaca.  Big picture. Yes, 194 now. But not 200. Not 220. Not even 252. And so I need to be thankful for the now, the progress I've made and be proud and thankful for those pounds I've kept off and stop focusing on those that I've gained.

 #100sweaty days These pictures represent days 11 through 14, and on day 14, I ran my first 5K of the year. More on that in my next post.

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