A Winner Delayed

I apologize. I am out of town for my 5K and didn't want to bring the box of raffle stubs with me, so I will do the drawing for the quilt on Monday when I get home.

Bust a Myth!

As soon as you adopt/stop trying, you'll get pregnant.

I heard both versions of these statements during the three years I was trying to get pregnant. Both were uttered by people who are intimately aware of my life.

The ridiculous part of this goes beyond the medical facts -- that in fact, infertility is not caused by stress, but rather an actual physical problem (upwards of 90%).

In my case, the ludicrous part of these statements is that I'm not married. I'm not currently -- nor was I during those three trying years -- in a relationship. Any sex I was having wasn't -- nor should it have been -- unprotected.

I'm not exactly sure how my friends thought this blessed event was going to happen once I stopped trying. Once I relaxed. Once I had an adopted child home.

The first time I heard it, I tried to explain just how wrong what they were saying was. Forget the fact that it was cruel hopefulness. It was just plain wrong. Biologically impossible.

But that didn't stop the well-intentioned from telling me that my success didn't lie with the fairly successful fertility specialist delicately placing viable embryos in my uterus, but rather just the opposite. I would suddenly become pregnant once I "stopped trying."

To learn more about infertility and options to become parents, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101. Learn more about the background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW).

I must have a magnet

I'm a good person. I'm kind. I'm empathetic. I'm the person who always remembers birthday. I usually know what to say in times of crisis. I buy presents for no particular reason other than I know someone who would like it.

I say all of this so you won't think less of me when you read this post and interpret the venom I spew and the judgements I make.

I was at the laundromat yesterday afternoon to wash my comforter so I could pack it away until fall. Even though it snowed today (yes, snowed!), I'm bored with my big pink comforter. Want to put it away and pull out the pretty flowers on my thin summer quilt.

More background on me -- when I'm in public, I'm not a talker. I do nothing to invite the person in line behind me at Wegmans to tell me their life story. I do not give off any signs that I'm wanting to have a conversation with you. I'm not rude, but I'm there to buy my groceries/deposit my money/do my laundry/etc, not to chit chat.

So I'm not sure why the 30-something in her pajamas needed to come up to me, with her baby, and start to tell me that she had six more kids at home. I was reading my email on my phone. I grunted and smile an appropriate response. Looked at the baby, said hello, made her smile, and went back to my phone.

More talk from baby momma. *Sigh* "How old is she?" I heard myself say.

"Five months."

"She's very cute."

Back to my phone. "Yup. I got six at home. Well, five are mine, plus my husband's kid."

"Wow."

"Yea, and she's five months and then..." She pats what looks like a normal pudgy belly on someone who has birthed six kids. I wouldn't have called her fat and she certainly didn't look....but oh yes....she was. Because these people seek me out. "Plus I'm pregnant with twins."

Oh dear lord. This woman, who looks like she doesn't have a pot to piss in, with skanky tattoos up and down her arms, in clothes I wouldn't wear around my house let alone go out in public wearing, is pregnant with twins. On the heels of the five-month-old.

I could feel the tears spring to my eyes as she told me how she fell to the floor when the doctor told her. "'Cuz my husband uses condoms."

Classy. Thanks for sharing that tidbit.

"And they were good condoms. From Planned Parenthood."

Of course they were.

"But condoms are only something like 80% effective. I didn't know that."

Anyone who saw the episode of Friends when Joey found out condoms aren't 100% effective -- or paid attention during sex ed class -- knows that.

I tried to figure out how I can say what I'm thinking.

You have seven children, plus two on the way, that you look as though you can barely afford. I tried for three years to get pregnant. For just one. Just one. I've been waiting another year to bring my child home. Where's the justice? Where's the fairness? Why do you get this? And oh by the way, that pack of cigarettes on the baby's lap....is it considered age-appropriate if they're still wrapped in their cellophane?

11

I started writing this a few days early.

Actually, I have always started writing each monthly milestone post a little early, mostly in anticipation of the upcoming milestone that would be one month closer to the end goal.

This month, I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this month's milestone. I'm a month away from a year on the waiting list, and at times, it feels like the 11 months I've put into this so far doesn't have the same impact as "11 months" sounded 11 months ago.

So sure I'm one month closer to the end goal -- the issue is I have no idea when the end goal is. In fact, I fully anticipate getting an update from my placement agency within the next few months that will give an update on the estimated wait time and that the wait time will once again be extended.

And so I'm looking into other options. I've made phone calls, I've crunched numbers, I've thrown my hands in the air and was ready to give up with the next back-up plan, only to do more thinking and realize that there is a part of me that feels good about this.

Last February, I gave up my "dual" tracking ways -- rid myself of fertility treatments and all that came with it. A little more than a year later, I am close to being back on the dual track: Ethiopia and domestic adoption.

There was a time, when I was taking my temperature every morning and sticking needles in my stomach and drinking black-strap molasses every morning, that I thought I could never afford adoption.

And then, when faced with adoption as my only option, I realized that I could figure it out. I might not know exactly where every dollar was coming from and how it would be accounted, but in the end, I'd figure it out and I'd be able to do it.

And there was a time, when I explored the limited countries open to me as a single woman, that I thought I could not afford domestic adoption. Within the last few months, when faced with uncertainty in Ethiopia, I realized -- or I am coming to realize -- that I do not know where every dollar is coming from or how it will be accounted for, but in the end I'll figure it out.

And I will be able to do it. Whatever "it" is.

And so with that, the countdown continues -- 11 months down.....and we'll just leave it at that.

Happy New Year

I tend to think of the night before my birthday as the start of the new year. Less pressure than New Year's Eve. So here I am on the eve of turning 41.

I had a couple goals before this birthday. Some I made, some I didn't, and of course some are completely out of my control, but I wished for them anyway.

I had hoped to be able to hit 30 pounds by tomorrow. I'm close, but no such magic number on the scale.

I had hoped to feel closer to becoming a mom. And some days I do, as I take some matters into my own hands, but there are still some unknowns. Too many unknowns, but I am feeling more hours in the day are spent feeling positive than negative. That's a start, right.

I wanted to do 5 miles in under 65 minutes. I have come very close a few times. Last night, I smashed it. Five miles in under 63 minutes. (Yes, it looks like 3:00, but at the hour mark, it starts over on the treadmill.)



I am so ready for the 5K on May 1.

April Raffle -- Finished

Finally :)

And it's beautiful!

More news, and not much better than last week's

From the US Department of State...

The Government of Ethiopia's Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWYCA) told the American Embassy officials that adoption cases presented to the Federal Court of First Instance prior to March 8, 2011 will be processed expeditiously. However, cases presented to the Court after March 8 will be processed in a more deliberate manner to allow greater scrutiny and oversight. Based on their March 8 announcement the American Embassy anticipates that MOWYCA will process these cases at a rate of approximately 5 per day.

It is unclear whether there will be an official announcement from the Government of Ethiopia regarding the plan to reduce the number of cases adjudicated daily.

Prospective adoptive parents who did not reach the court summons stage before March 8, 2011, should expect significant delays in the progression of their paperwork through the Government of Ethiopia. Prospective adoptive parents should be in close touch with their adoption service providers to confirm the status of their cases.

The U.S. Embassy continues to work with Ethiopian government officials and adoption agencies to gain a clearer understanding of these procedures, and will continue to post information as it becomes available.

-----

And so I'm exploring options, because when have I ever not had a plan? I hope to have an update on the next back-up plan in the next week or so.

I May Not Know What I Want to Hear....

but I usually know what I DON'T want to hear.

"This just might not happen for you. Your life will just as fulfilling and satisfying without a baby as it would be with."

Really? Seriously?

Well thank you for that little bit of wisdom. How silly how I've been the past four years putting my body and my mind through all of this shit. How stupid I've been for crying as much as I have, for pursuing the only thing I've ever wanted. Good to know that I can stop now, and I'll be just as happy.

WTF? I should have screamed at my dear, longtime -- yet stupid -- friend. It's easy for him to say something like that when he has three kids. Should have banged the phone on the table. I just told him I disagreed with him.

Do I think the world will end if I don't get a baby? No. I'll figure it out, I'll figure out life, if that were to happen.

For today, I'll just add that to the list of stupid things people say, right up there with telling me as soon as I stop trying to get pregnant, I will. And the dozens of stupid thins I've heard over the past four years.