Limbo

I am in limbo. Realistically I still have a year-plus to wait. And while I continue to pick up little things here and there for the baby, including diapers whenever I have a good coupon, and have used my first foray in quilting/sewing class to make a quilt for the baby, but if I wonder if I shouldn't. If I am somehow jinxing myself.

I foolishly started a baby registry at Target the day after my first IUI procedure. I arrogantly thought that was no way I wouldn't get pregnant on the first try. I almost laugh remembering the nurse asking me if I wanted to skip that month because I had too many mature follicles and the likelihood of multiples was higher.

Now, logically I know that one thing had nothing to do with another. Registry or no registry, I wasn't going to get pregnant. But the baseball girl in me is very superstitious. I wear the same Yankees t-shirt I got for my 19th birthday (think about that, my 19th birthday was in 1989) for every Yankees play-off game, year after year.

There is a lot of time for something to go wrong. The country could close to singles, or close altogether. My wait could be extended -- my monthly countdown is just an estimate given by the agency after all and could be readjusted between now and then.

I guess I have to believe that this is going to happen. And as my friend Doreen reminded me today, I've got far too long to wait to start worrying about things out of my control. And so I'm not going to waste a good $2 diaper coupon. I'm not going to pass over the cute little onesies or books.

Here's hoping they don't become gifts.