Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A year ago tomorrow I became a mom.

And three days later, it was taken away from me.

A lot of happened in a year, good and bad, high and low. But ultimately what happened for me is that I got to re-invent my life.

I believe in fate, but I also believe that you have to make the right decision or choose the right path to be where you're supposed to end up. And so I was given the opportunity by one of my favorite people in the world to think about life outside of Ithaca. And every move after that as been because of me.

I used to think I was strong because of what I dealt with and went through while I was trying to have a baby. I wasn't. Not really. I made a decision and just stayed on that course. That was actually the easy thing to do.

The hard thing....the strong thing...was to give up. To move on. To rebuild.

A year later, I have a job that I love, that I am challenged at, that makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes, but where I see that I'm making a difference.

My friends who were important to me in Ithaca are still important to me -- 200 miles haven't made a difference.

I hope that Takesha did the unselfish thing and found a new home for Cooper (or Tristan as she was calling him). Plain and simple, she was incapable of taking care of him financially. And I hope that decision gave her the opportunity to re-envision her life. That she's pulled her shit together and that Brooklyn is happy and secure and has a better mother today than she did a year ago.

I know I'll never know if any of that happened for sure, but on the occasional times I think about him, those are the only thoughts that can make me not think about him all the time. Because I may have only been his mother for three days, but in those three days, I imagined his whole amazing life.

I couldn't let tomorrow go by without thinking of him.


  1. Love you - Miss you!
    Thinking of you on this difficult day and supporting you fully in your new (and right for you) life!

  2. What an emotional time for you to think back on - the highest high, the lowest kind of low. I find your attitude about the opportunity to re-invent yourself to me inspiring and wonderful. Good for you! I'm thinking about you - now, and often - and wishing the best for you.