Saturday, January 7, 2012

My New Normal

I spent the day at a three-year-old's birthday party. I got lots of hugs from the birthday girl's baby sister and another friend. I was specifically drawn to the friend. While she ended up being late, her mother was due for her on 9/12/10 -- which was my due date.

Hailey gave me lots of hugs and I heard lots of "up" from her. I looked at her and wondered if I had a boy or a girl in me for those six weeks; either way, this is about the size it would be right now.

Where once I would have been bitter and angry and sad, today I was only a little sad, maybe a little wistful.

People have told me to boycott these events. I can't. And the two baby showers we will need to plan at work this spring. I'm the party planner at work. I will do it.

And maybe now that I know this is my new normal, it will be easier because I'll know that I won't be bitter and angry, just a little sad. And that I can handle.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I know that thought/feeling of being with a child the age that your child would have been. It is so hard. My due dates are etched in my mind forever, although of course I hope that they are soon joined by other dates - like a referral date, a birth date, a meeting date. It is a new normal, indeed. And I understand you not boycotting those events. I can't do it either. Heck, if I did, I would never see any of my friends, because they ALL have children. So, if I want a life, I embrace theirs. It doesn't make it easy, but with time I have found it to get easier, and it sounds like you have, too.