'Twas the Week Before Christmas

It has been a rough few months in my world, and I for one, will be very happy to flip the calendar to 2012. This will be the year that I am either a parent or I'm not. I can't live in limbo forever and towards the summer, after being on the Ethiopia list for a full two years and with my attorney for one (the total motherhood journey will be five years), I will make the decision how much further I'm willing to go.

Whereas there is a lot of waiting on nothing in international adoption, something is always happening in domestic adoption. Good or bad, whether is works out or inevitably turns out to be a dead end, there always seems to be a possibility. And that, though it takes an emotional toll, is much better than sitting and waiting and not hearing anything.

I have all but given up on Ethiopia. I was on the phone with Jennifer last night and suddenly said, "is today the 17th?" It was indeed the 17th, she told me. And it also was my anniversary on the Ethiopia wait list. It didn't even occur to me. It doesn't even occur to me anymore. Where once I wrote my blog post weeks in advance, excited about counting the months on the wait list, and being that much closer, I don't even think about it anymore. (For those counting at home, yesterday was 19 months.)

Wide Horizons has more than disappointed me. There have been no referrals to speak of in the past few months. There have been no updates. When I reached out to my case manager (she would be the 5th I've had) to ask about any sort of refund. At this point, they have $5,000 from me. Even a partial refund of $1,000 would be something. The response I got was a very terse, "probably not but read your contract."

Great customer service right there.

In my heart Ethiopia is dead, and I am putting all of my efforts and resources into domestic. My very talented friend created a business card for me with my other website and cell phone number on it, and I included them in all 63 of my Christmas cards (not the year to make any cuts from the list). I am doing Google AdWords and some newspaper advertising. I have updated the meta tags and keywords on the site. And most importantly, I have an amazing attorney who is doing her damnedest to make me a mom.

This weekend, I stayed busy (getting over the disappointed of another close but no cigar potential birth mother) -- a little sewing, finished wrapping presents, and lots of baking. After I frost the cut-outs and pull every other kind of cookie out for the assembly of all the trays for the neighbors, I will update with photos.

Updated with the cookie arrangements -- half of them delivered, the other half tomorrow when the rest of the neighbors are home.