Grants

Four down, and now some more waiting. I applied for four different adoption grants. I know that all are a long-shot, but like the lottery people say, "you gotta play to win."

And so today, early before my work day started, I re-read my final two applications, did some tweaking with the words, and printed them out. And then thankfully, re-read the "checklist" for each and realized I needed copies of my 2009 tax returns.

So really four (almost) down -- they will actually go in the mail tomorrow.

With the grant applications written, printed and sent, my dossier in, any possible paperwork I could possibly think of that needs to be done...I find myself at a loss. For the first time in three years, I don't have anything to do.

No doctor appointments, no paperwork, no mailing this here and that there, no looking through my files every day to see what needs to be done next. Done. I wait.

And while I know that's a very hard thing for me to do, it's what I actually need. Put my mind to rest, let my body acclimate back to not being on hormones, and think about (in very abstract ways) how I'm going to decorate the nursery, and if I still love the names I picked out years ago. And sometimes, just sometimes, not think about any of this at all.