I went to church last week for the first time in months, probably the first time since New Jersey. And it will be a place I will not be going back to for a while.
While I sat there, my mind wandered to the last time I was in church. To every week that I was in church over the last five years. I thought about how I prayed. And how praying became wishing, and wishing became hoping, and hoping became begging, and begging became pleading, and pleading became making ridiculous deals to sell my soul.
And the bitter barren woman inside of me came out. And I was miserable and couldn't wait for the 45 minutes to be over. And my mood carried over several days, and only ended with a trip to McDonald's for a Happy Meal, under a blanket, in cold, rainy, dreary weather.
The next day the sun was out. I had had some greasy food and was good for a while.
As Lesley says, like any good relationship, sometimes you need a break.
And I need a break. And so when fall kicks in, as is my usual time to become a good, Catholic girl and regular church goer, this year I will not be heading back to church.
I think the big guy will understand.
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